Immigrant Secrets: The Search for My Grandparents by John Mancini (2022)

That John Mancini is an experienced speaker in his professional life is apparent in the engaging presentation style of his writing. His entertaining introduction, with its references to the TV show The Wonder Years and Kevin Costner’s movie Field of Dreams, indicates his fondness for imaginative storytelling. 

All family historians and memoir writers must choose how best to relate the truth of their or their subjects’ experiences. The main section of the book is fictionalised (in the manner of Paula McLain’s The Paris Wife, for example). As Mancini explains:

“The facts that surround the story of Elizabeth and Frank are true, but the color and texture that surround those facts are my own creations to give them life.”

The imaginative approach used here may not appeal to all, but there is no question about the thoroughness of the genealogical research. Among the documents sourced from archives across the world are census entries, excerpts from church registers, death certificates, hospital records, ships’ passenger lists and immigration records. A selected bibliography is included at the end.

Mancini clearly enjoyed the family history experience, speaking positively of the community:

‘One of the great things of doing genealogy research is that folks are extraordinarily interested in helping each other solve their puzzles.’ 

Overall, the book is an insight into one man’s genealogical journey, and how he was changed by his discoveries, as much as it is a story of his ancestors. Although his Irish and Swedish immigrant forebears are introduced in the early chapters, the main focus is on his Italian grandparents (Elizabeth/Elisabetta and Frank/Francesco), their origins in Itri (a small agricultural centre in Lazio), and their new life in the United States. 

Throughout the fascinating story of immigrant life in mid-century New York, we are mindful of the mystery of Mancini’s grandparents’ deaths. Did they or did they not die in a fire in the 1930s, as family rumour suggested? It is well worth taking this narrative journey through the family’s immigrant history to find out.

What was your background before writing this book?

I spent over 35 years working in three major non-profit associations, 1) the Public Affairs Council, 2) the American Electronics Association, and 3) AIIM International. As the President of AIIM, I spent a lot of time with records managers, archivists, and content and process management executives. Personally, I am the grandfather of three, the father of three, and I have five siblings. I was a history major as an undergraduate, which I think helped create the foundation for my interest in family history and genealogy.

Why did you want to write about your immigrant ancestors? 

The story of the search itself is a rather typical family history journey, albeit one that revealed things I never could have imagined about our family. One thing I have found along this journey is that genealogy people are incredibly helpful. I spent a good portion of the last 20+ years of my career hanging about with records managers and archivists. I will admit that in the rush to embrace the latest and greatest technology shiny gadgets, I didn’t always understand or appreciate them. But I do now. Any errors in genealogy are not intentional. But they’re my fault.

The story of my Italian grandparents is in fact a story. But it is, as they say in movie previews, “based on a true story.” The facts that surround the story of Elizabeth and Frank are true, but obviously, the texture that surrounds those facts and the story incorporating the facts are my own creations to give them life. 

As Rachel Held Evans said, “Origin stories are rarely straightforward history. Over the years, they morph into a colourful amalgam of truth and myth, nostalgia and cautionary tale.”

Did you have any concerns about sharing private aspects of your family’s story?

My brother and I debated whether to raise all this secret history with my mom and ultimately decided that telling the story was the way to keep my father’s story alive. We thought for a while about what to ask my mom about all of this, and what she knew.

My father must have somehow coped with the complete disaster of his childhood by creating an enormous, sealed wall around it, never to be scaled or even discussed. Against a society that viewed – and continues to view – any sort of mental illness through a prism of shame, he and the rest of this extended family of immigrants just shut down the memory of Francesco and Elisabetta and completely erased them from history. Well, not quite.

 And my father kept all of this bottled up so that first HE could survive and protect his brother and then later protect his own family of eight. I imagine that over the years this pressure cooker of secrets ultimately contributed to his premature death. Ultimately we decided the best way to honour his memory was to tell his story.

Do you feel a strong connection to Italy? Has this deepened since working on the book?

I have been to Italy four or five times, and love it. A pre-COVID dream – and one I still hope to realize – was to spend an extended time in my grandparents’ home town. All of this deepened with the book and actually making connections with the Italian side of the family that we never knew existed.

What’s next for you? Any more books?

One of the things I realized after writing the book and talking to people about it is that EVERY family has a story. Many of these origin stories are not what we would have guessed – and many of them are frankly not pleasant – but they are all nonetheless precious.

I am currently researching my maternal grandfather’s story – John Oliver Manson. He was quite a character. He was born in Sweden – but always claimed to have been born in Australia. I believe he stowed away on a ship when he was a teenager. One medical report says he suffered a gunshot wound as a teenager in Rio. He was a leading ship captain in Miami prior to the Depression, lost most of what he had during the Depression, and dabbled in a silver mine in Nevada. And much more, I’ve started documenting his story on my blog – http://www.searchformygrandparents.com – so we’ll see where that goes.

My wife’s family goes all the way back to the 1700s in Virginia, fought on the wrong side in the US Civil War, and has LOTS of untold stories. So many stories, so little time.

John Mancini was the long-time President of AIIM, the world’s leading information management association. He is a well-known author, speaker, and advisor on genealogy, digital transformation, information governance, and intelligent automation. He is the author of Immigrant Secrets, writes about family history topics at http://www.searchformygrandparents.com, and is the author of more than 30 eBooks on a variety of topics. He can be found on Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.

As a child, I was lucky enough to grow up with one set of grandparents and regularly holiday with the others. Although my grandparents were happy to share details of their childhoods, some were particularly reluctant to answer questions about their families. After years of exploring my family tree and making contacts through events and social media, I’ve learned some of the reasons behind their secrets.

My last surviving grandparent sadly died last year, and now there is no one of that generation left to ask. There is so much I have learned over the years that I wish I could share with my grandparents. My oldest grandparent, Grandpa, died in 1987 when I was ten. He now sits on his mother’s now on the cover of my latest book.

If I could travel back in time, I would ask completely different questions. But, it’s important to remember that talking with any relatives about their lives requires sensitivity and patience.

In this guest post, Lily Harris, a freelance writer focused on family relationships looks at how much we have to learn from our elders and discusses ten questions she feels we should all ask.

10 Questions Everyone Should Ask Their Grandparents

Memories are an important part of our lives. If you are caring for someone with dementia, you will have a keen appreciation for this.

Dementia is now ‘one of the fastest growing conditions in the UK that affects the over 65s and is often the most popular condition people associate with the elderly’, according to Helping Hands Homecare. It is a loved one’s loss of memory which is often most upsetting when there is a diagnosis of dementia; and many families only realise that they have missed out on valuable opportunities to ask their elderly relatives about their lives when it is too late.

Sharing in the experience now of looking through their treasure trove of memories will not only help you to feel closer and more connected, but will also help them to stay in touch with who they have been for as long as possible. Indeed, the Social Care Institute of Excellence has recently published research explaining how the act of reminiscing on the past can be very valuable and therapeutic for people with dementia: ‘[t]ypically, a person with dementia is more able to recall things from many years ago than recent memories, so reminiscence draws on this strength [and] can give people with dementia a sense of competence and confidence through using a skill they still have.’

If you are interested in cultivating a closer connection with your grandparents or elderly loved one, then here are some questions which we think are the most important, to get you started.

1. What’s your earliest memory?
You may be surprised at how far back an elderly person with dementia can remember. Most people with dementia find it satisfying to recall early memories and it is fascinating for us to find out details about the past from someone who lived through it.

2. What were you like as a child?
It’s easy to forget that your grandparents were ever young, and it can be hard to imagine. That is why it is so important to ask about. If they struggle with such an open question, you can try to ask more specific things such as: What did you like to do in your free time? What clothes did you like to wear? What did you like best about school? What did you want to do when you grew up?

3. What were your parents like?
Getting to find out about your great-grandparents is a rare thing, as most people will never meet theirs. Digging deeply into the family history like this can help you to uncover connections, patterns or surprises in your family history which can help you to gain insight into your parent’s lives and your own life too.

4. What were you told about the circumstances of your birth?
It is not uncommon for people to have dramatic or interesting tales about their births, yet – unless you ask – this is unlikely to ever come up in conversation. Finding out about your grandparent’s birth stories (such as birth order) can actually tell you a lot about a person too, according to Psychology Today.

5. Why were you given your name?
Perhaps the name has special significance, or perhaps there is a story attached to it. You might even discover something which inspires you to pass on the legacy of that name to your own child – a far more interesting inheritance than any heirloom.

6. What were you doing at my age?
This can be a powerful thing for you to learn. The answer might be humbling or make you extremely grateful. Either way, this is an important question to ask in order for you to learn about yourself too.

7. What was your favourite job?
Getting in touch with what they were proficient in as a young person or adult will likely bring back many fond memories, and maybe also some funny stories. You might even see some aspects of yourself in them too.

8. What most surprises you about today’s society?
Our grandparents have lived through a rapidly changing society. They have even lived through a time where it was a luxury to have a radio, to a time where toddlers have smartphones. Thus, we can learn a lot from the conclusions they will be able to draw about the direction society has been moving in.

9. Do you have any regrets?
We know the pain of living with regrets, but they can also make great teachers. One of the most beautiful things we can learn from our grandparents is how not to cause the same regrets in our own lives. Just prepare to be surprised by what they tell you.

10. What is the most important advice you can give me about living?
This question is, perhaps, the most powerful: it allows them to reflect on the value they have created in their lives and pass on their pearls of wisdom to you.


References
‘Elderly care’, Helping Hands Home Care, https://www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk/home-care-services/elderly-care/
‘Reminiscence for people with dementia’, SCIE, https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/living-with-dementia/keeping-active/reminiscence.asp
‘Does Birth Order Affect Personality?’ Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201706/does-birth-order-affect-personality

As part of DNA Day 2018 on 25 April, 23andMe offered AncestryDNA users the chance to upload their raw DNA for free.

23andMe is the only major genetic genealogy testing company with which I haven’t tested. When I saw a tweet from @AtcherleyONS saying the offer was about to run out, I jumped at the chance.

After a couple of false starts and a complaint email to 23andMe, I was able to upload the DNA. I received my four free reports a short time later.

23andMe is unique for being the only major family history DNA testing company that offers health reports. My free reports included two Wellness Reports and two Ancestry Reports. Of the latter, the first comprised ethnic origins and the second focused on cousin matching.

23andMe estimate my Ancestry Composition as follows:

• European 99.5%
  • British & Irish 49.1%
  • Ashkenazi Jewish 11.2%
  • French & German 4.0%
  • Scandinavian 3.1%
  • Eastern European 0.4%
  • Iberian Less than 0.1%
  • Broadly Northwestern European 28.4%
  • Broadly Southern European 0.3%
  • Broadly European 3.1%
• East Asian & Native American 0.4%
  • Broadly East Asian 0.4%
• Western Asian & North African 0.2%
  • North African & Arabian 0.2%
  • Broadly Western Asian & North African Less than 0.1%
• Unassigned Less than 0.1%

Although this corresponds broadly with the results of my AncestryDNA test, it does not match exactly.

Wellness Reports

These indicated that I have a Muscle Composition which is uncommon in elite power athletes. As I’m not particularly athletic, this is not surprising.

And my Sleep Movement is of likely average or less movement, which seems reasonable.

My favourite part of this, and something that seems unique among the main testing companies, is that 23andMe provides “Your Ancestry Composition Chromosome Painting”. Specific ancestry and that shared with others is clearly visible. My Ashkenazi ancestry, for example, is clearly defined. 23andMe describes the feature as follows:

These are your chromosomes; we’ve painted them with your Ancestry Composition results. The first 22 are called autosomes and come in pairs of two, each represented by one of the colored horizontal lines in the graphic below. Chromosomes have different lengths, and are named 1 through 22, when sorted by size (scientists are not very creative). Lastly, we also look at ancestry on your X chromosome: two copies like the autosomes if you are female, and only one copy if you’re male (that you got from mom).

The “Your DNA Family” section of the report tells me I have 1093 DNA Relatives in the 23andMe database. This only gives an overview of my matches (1 Close Family to Second Cousins; 727 Third to Fourth Cousins; Many Fifth to Distant Cousins). In order to see the full DNA Relatives list of individual cousins, I need to pay for a kit.

UPDATE SEPTEMBER 2020

In October 2019, I paid for a kit and upgraded to the full 23andMe experience.

As well as the ancestry information to which I already had access, I was delighted to learn that my maternal haplogroup is T2b, described by 23andMe as:

As our ancestors ventured out of eastern Africa, they branched off in diverse groups that crossed and recrossed the globe over tens of thousands of years. Some of their migrations can be traced through haplogroups, families of lineages that descend from a common ancestor. Your maternal haplogroup can reveal the path followed by the women of your maternal line.

As a woman, I have no Y-DNA. I know of my paternal DNA through a test taken by my grandfather for FTDNA some years ago. Male 23andMe customers would learn both their maternal and paternal haplogroups through this test. This is more than offered through an Ancestry test, for example.

I now have access to 66 health reports. None of these has made a significant difference to my approach to health. I am fortunate that no major problems have been identified.

My 34 traits are of variable certainty, but the earwax type and eye colour are precise. For hair texture, the results predict I have a 39% chance of slightly wavy hair – which I do have. In the weird and wonderful section, though, the prediction about hair thickness is wrong. On a positive note, my toe length ratio of the big toe is longer than others is also accurate.

Paying for access has opened up contact with DNA relatives. I currently have 1372 cousins on the database. Some of these cousins I know already through other tests, such as Ancestry and MyHeritage. We know exactly how are related. My closest relative at present is a 2nd cousin. There is an option to connect with cousins in order to share further information.

Hitler’s Forgotten Children: the shocking true story of the Nazi kidnapping conspiracy by Ingrid von Oelhafen & Tim Tate (Elliott & Thompson, 2017)

Hitler’s Forgotten Children is a powerful, personal history of the Nazi Lebensborn programme and its long-lasting effects.

Next year marks 80 years from the beginning of the Second World War. This book highlights just one of many aspects of that conflict that are yet to enter mainstream historiography.

As we move further from the end of the war, more secrets of the conflict are being revealed. Ingrid von Oelhafen was born in 1942 as ‘Erika’. Although Yugoslavian, she was forcibly adopted into a Nazi family and given a new identity as part of the Lebensborn programme. This was created in 1935 by the SS, under the charge of Heinrich Himmler (1900-1945).

. . . the older I became, the more I wondered about my personal history. I am not alone in this: it is part of the human condition to revisit the past as the years slip away.

Von Oelhafen’s story, told here with the help of filmmaker and author Tim Tate, covers not only her wartime struggles in Nazi Germany but what happened after she discovered she was adopted and her attempts to understand the truth. These enquiries would reveal the full scale of the Lebensborn scheme, including the kidnapping of half a million babies and the deliberate murder of children born into the programme who were deemed ‘substandard’.

Van Oelhafen wrote, ‘All those I have met – whether born into the Lebensborn program or kidnapped to strengthen it – have been scarred by their experience.’ Not all history stays in the past. This book raises many questions, not just about the war, but also of the subsequent division of Germany, and the manner in which Europe recovered from the conflict – often leaving truths hidden and crimes unsolved. The troubled history of Eastern Europe is something about which many of us in the West still do not know enough. This is not just a story of the tragedy of war, but of the suffering that continued long after it. Many families were ripped apart forever, as the conflict left a dark legacy for decades ahead.

With the current climate of tension across Europe, and as extremist parties are again on the rise, personal testimonies such as this make an essential contribution to a period many today are yet to fully understand. Von Oelhafen dedicates the book to, ‘all the victims of Nazi Germany – men, women and, above all, children – and to those throughout the world today who suffer from the persisting evil which teaches that one race, creed or colour is superior to another.’

. . . the Lebensborn experiment had been based on the Nazi’s belief in blood as the determining factor of human worth. Himmler’s obsession with blood and bloodlines was the reason I had been plucked from my family – whoever they were – in Yugoslavia and reborn as a German child.

A thought-provoking book about identity, which is a subject close to the hearts of all family historians. Although much work is being done in genetic genealogy to combat false beliefs, sadly the Nazi’s pseudo-scientific concept of racial purity has not fully been destroyed. Roma, amongst others, remain persecuted in the 21st century.

The book ends in hope, illustrating how von Oelhafen has been able to move forward with her life. The survivors of Lebensborn have created an organisation, the Fount of Life, to help with their understanding and recovery. Members chose the following quotation from French activist and philosopher, Simone Weil, to head their articles of association. Its words will resonate with anyone who has thought about investigating their family history.

Uprootedness is by far the most dangerous disease to which human society is exposed.                                           Whoever is uprooted, uproots others.                                                                                                                                          Who is rooted, himself doesn’t uproot others,                                                                                                                                 To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognised need of the human soul.